All Things in Moderation

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I copied this from another forum and although I’m not quite sure where it came from, I thought it was funny enough to share, especially since it’s Friday.  Friday was always my joke day at the PL.

Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…

“Fred,” Martha says aloud.

“What?” says Fred, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…oh dear, I feel so…”(She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Fred.

“I’m such a fool,” Martha sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Fred.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Martha says.

“No!” says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

“Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Fred.

“That way about time,” says Martha.

“Oh,” says Fred. “Yes.” (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Fred,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?”

And that’s the difference between men and women.

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Christopher Ryan explains why sexual monogamy is unnatural and we shouldn’t judge the polyamorous:

Relatedly, the second installment of Freakonomics on “Why Get Married?” is online:

http://freakonomics.com/2014/02/20/why-marry-part-2-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/

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Story about the stenographer who interrupted the House vote the other day.
What’s interesting to me is that she apparently is a devout Catholic. And it was the Holy Spirit that lead her to do this. And part of me thinks, I believe her. Because if you believe in miracles, why isn’t that possible. I certainly get being frustrated with Congress.

Who knows. My wife is dear friends with a a woman who wont’s come to Georgetown when she visits us, b/c of the steps that were featured in the Exorcist, because as she says, “That shit is real.” Also a devout Catholic. They met at ND. Incredibly smart and talented. My wife kinds of laughed it off. But I wasn’t so sure. Because, like she said, that shit IS real.

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Do you want to compare hospital costs by procedure in your area? Around the nation? Bookmark this link and then have fun.

http://www.opscost.com/

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Obama’s speech at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner:

Lots of really great one liners in there. Here is the full text for the YouTube impaired. He gets great writers for this event. The one item that seems to have gotten some news buzz was Antonio Scalia sitting at the Fox News table. Once you buy into the incestuous relationship between the press and the government this is a minor complaint.

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The NBC comedy Parks and Recreation stars Amy Poehler as a hyper-enthusiastic civil servant. The head of the titular department head is one Ron Swanson a manly meat-loving wood-working anti-government zealot who happens to suck on the government teat. Mostly played for laughs, Ron Swanson as understatedly played by Nick Offerman has become a conservative icon on the level of Stephen Colbert.

In the most recent episode, Leslie Knope, now a city councilwoman has pushed through the council a government handout to a failing video store only to have it converted to a porn store. In this scene, Leslie offers to eat crow for failing to listen to Ron’s warnings.

(It seems the embed code doesn’t play well with WordPress, so use the link below):
Ron Swanson

Leslie laments:

There has to be a way for government to help places that add community value but don’t necessarily rake in the money.

Ron says:

There is not. The free market is a jungle. It’s beautiful and brutal and should be left alone. When a business fails, it dies and a better one takes its place. Just let business be business and government be government.

It’s done sincerely without any snark or comeuppance for Ron.

For the full episode, go here

My point is that while Ron Swanson is a caricature, he also has character. And he has a pyramid of greatness.

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I started Crossfit a few weeks ago. Really liking it. It’s a team environment, which is a lot more fun that just going to a gym. It’s a bit intense, but we have all ages. There’s guy in my class in his 60s and some women who can’t be more than 110 soaking wet.

The “box” (the lingo for gym) that I go to is owned by a Marine. He tends to name his workouts. This one is named after a 1LT who was killed in Afghanistan. It’s strangly motivating. I find myself working harder, like it owe it to her. Here’s the workout:

U.S. Army First Lieutenant Ashley White, 24, of Alliance, OH, assigned to the 230th Brigade Support Battalion, 30th Heavy Brigade Combat Team, North Carolina National Guard, based in Goldsboro, NC, died on October 22, 2011 in Kandahar province, Afghanistan, from wounds suffered when insurgents attacked her unit with an improvised explosive device. She is survived by her husband Captain Jason Stumpf, her parents Robert and Deborah, brother Josh, and sister Brittney.

“White”
5 Rounds of the following.
3 Rope Climbs
10 Toes to Bar
21 OH (overhead) Plate Walking Lunges (45/25) use a 45 or 25 pound plate, hold it above your head, and do lunges
Run 400m

LII — level 2, so not as hart as the “White”
5 Rounds
1 Rope Climb
7 Toes to Bar
21 OH Plate Walking Lunges (45/25)
Run 400m

LI
4 Rounds
3 Rope Pull to Standing
7 Knees to Wherever
21 OH Plate Walking Lunges (25/15)
Run 400m

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